For me, the short answer is ‘pretty much’!
It took me a looong time to come to this conclusion! Up until I was 20 years old, (I’m only 21 now!) I was convinced I was straight. I’d never considered any other possibility, I simply never thought about it! I honestly don’t know how I didn’t realise sooner. I never really ‘fancied’ boys that much then I was younger. My friends would talk about all of their crushes and I would just sort of nod along! My best friend used to joke that I was a lesbian because I never expressed an interest in male celebrities or whatever – perhaps this was a future-telling?!
Sometimes I would get the odd crush on a boy. But in hindsight, I realise that I’d basically always mistaken attraction for just enjoying the attention said boy was giving me. So, I’m not sure I’d really say that I’d ever had a proper crush on a boy. Or a girl yet, for that matter. But, like I said, this whole lesbian thing is still really new to me, and I’m still getting used to the fact that I can actually find girls attractive!
At first, when I had this revelation, I assumed I was bi. I could still find guys attractive too, right? But now I realise that there is a difference between finding someone ‘aesthetically pleasing’ and actually being attracted to them. And I just don’t get attracted to guys.
Sometimes I feel sort of invalidated or like I’m not a ‘real lesbian’, because I have never dated a girl and I have only dated one person in my life – a guy. Like, how could I possibly know what I like and dislike? But the truth is, I know myself – and that is good enough for me!
If, for example, I ended up with a guy, that wouldn’t mean what I feel right now is a lie or I was just ‘confused’. My feelings are real and valid, and right now, I feel like I want to identify as a lesbian! And that is totally cool and I am not ashamed about it!
I want to make it clear that this isn’t a ‘coming out’ post. Lots of my close friends and family already know I like girls! However, perhaps they don’t all know yet that I actually don’t like boys as well! So, to anybody I know who might be reading this – it might be a bit of a surprise, so… surprise!
Anybody else out there who only really discovered their sexuality in their twenties? Let’s chat about it in the comments!